Kelley killed one of our pets. She had been playing so sweetly with our pets, and being so gentle, just as we had taught her. But out of the blue, she gave me a dirty look from across the room, and fatally wounded the pet as I looked on in horror. I ran, but it was too late.
Kelley laughed as the poor animal struggled in pain. She laughed all the way to the vet’s office, gleefully saying “I bet it’s going to die!” She laughed at the pet’s cries of pain at the vet. She laughed all the way home after the poor pet was euthanized. She laughed as Jack and I cried over dinner that night, heartbroken for the poor animal who had such an abrupt, terrifying, and painful end to its short life.
Our play therapist at the time insisted that Kelley didn’t know what she did. We knew otherwise. This was no accident. Kelley saw the pet getting attention and treats as a direct threat to her getting what she wanted and being the center of attention. She still occasionally brings it up like it’s a joke.
It’s been over 2 years since that incident, and recently Kelley’s friend from school got a tiny, gentle, and quiet puppy. They brought the puppy to the park, and when no one was really paying attention, Kelley kicked the puppy hard enough that the puppy rolled a couple of times. It was such a sneaky little move! No one else was watching, and she did it in a way that she could play off as an accidental “trip.” But I saw the slight grin that crossed her face, and whether anyone else knew it or not, it was no accident.
Kelley likes to hurt her stuffed animals and dolls so she can provide abusive medical care for them. She will do things like “break their legs,” throw them, hit them, slam them into things, or jump on them. Her “helping” them afterward, looks very similar to her hurting them- locking them up, hitting them, breaking the leg again because they won’t stay in bed, etc.
It is important to us not to put younger children or animals in danger with Kelley. She will always be an only child, and we will likely never have pets again, unless she someday makes a miraculous recovery. I watch her like a hawk around younger children, because the same cruelty often comes out with younger kids. She drags them all over, bosses them around, manipulates them, takes their toys and snacks, pushes them, and is cruel when they don’t obey her ridiculous requests.
If you are preparing for adoption, I think it is really important for you to know that this type of behavior is a common reaction to the trauma these kids have been through, and that teaching new skills may not change it. Over and over, Kelley reverts to the behavior her birth family modeled for her. Kelley’s sister Gabi was very abusive to her, and that is hard-wired into Kelley’s brain. She is acting out her trauma over and over. We hope that someday, with time and healing, that cycle can be broken, but we also think it’s important not to present her with opportunities to cause harm.
The Village and The Vineyard 