I started this blog because I want to share the good, the bad, and the ugly about adoption- things I desperately wish I had been told before I started on this road. I hope sharing my journey will help you on your own! It is my goal to share my highs and lows as an adoptive mom in a very personal, deep, and genuine way.
At the same time, I want to give my daughter control of her own adoption story- to let HER choose how to share it, when, and with whom. This is more than just a story; this is about a precious child’s LIFE. For that reason, * names, places, and identifying details have been changed to protect her privacy, and stock photos will be used rather than real family photos. *
I am a real person, a real adoptive mom, with highs and lows, struggles and triumphs. I am not an expert on anything. I am just sharing my own personal experience. Please take it with a grain of salt, and remember that every family, and every individual is different, and that’s OK!
I am definitely a planner and organizer, and Adoption wasn’t exactly “Plan A.” After many years of failed attempts to conceive, I had a hysterectomy at a very young age. Adoption from foster care did not follow anyone’s plans or expectations, and parenting a traumatized child with attachment issues has not gone according to plans either. Thus, the reference to “My Plan Z Life.”
Due to my daughter’s special needs, life and parenting looks dramatically different than what my husband and I imagined. Our beloved pets are gone (one was killed by our daughter; another was re-homed as a precaution). We absolutely LOVE to travel, and that has largely been put on hold. Parenting looks a lot more like co-parenting in one house most days than the family togetherness we envisioned and still long for.
On the other hand, by acknowledging and prioritizing our child’s needs and limitations, we have found a balance that mostly works for us as a family and as individuals, and we are gradually seeing improvements in our daughter’s ability to attach and function well in life.
It is not always easy to find the joy in a “Plan Z Life” that looks so very different from the life you dreamed of and worked so hard to create. This is a work in progress, a journey as opposed to a destination, and I hope that sharing my journey will help you on your own. I’d love to hear from you about how our story impacts you. You can email me at JustineGraceShafer@gmail.com.
Remember, you may end up on Plan Z, just like we have, before you find what feels right for your family. And in my experience, just when you think you have something figured out, your child starts a new phase, or life throws you a curve ball. We may go through the whole alphabet several times before this child is grown!
The Village and The Vineyard 