Kelley has what you may call: tantrums, rages, melt-downs, fits, or outbursts. She is 5 now, but will still throw herself on the ground and kick and scream- sometimes for hours. When she starts one of these episodes, this is what we do:
- Send Kelley to her room (carry her if needed)
- I bring my noise-cancelling headphones, phone, and a beanbag chair and sit in the hall right outside her room. I listen to music and play solitaire on my phone, and wait for her to be all done.
- I basically ignore her behavior as long as she stays in her room, is not damaging other people’s belongings and is not harming others (Kelley very rarely hurts other people- we got lucky on that one).
- I will let her destroy her own toys. I see her having broken toys as a natural consequence of her tantrums.
- If she comes out of her room, I walk her back in, close the door behind us, and sit in my beanbag chair in front of the door. I continue to ignore her, listen to music and play solitaire.
- My goal is to stay close, but not too close. During a rage, she is extra sensitive to eye contact and touch, so I avoid it if at all possible.
- Most of the time, this works and I just have to wait it out.
On the rare occasion that she is to the point of hurting others, destroying things, or raging for over an hour, we have not come up with anything that works to calm her down. I’d love to hear what (if anything) has worked for you! You can email me at JustineGraceShafer@gmail.com.
So far, Kelly’s record for a non-stop rage was when she was 4, and she continued to kick, scream, and throw things for 9.5 hours straight without a break. She can go 12 hours if she takes a few 5-minute breaks, though.
The Village and The Vineyard 